"I have described nothing but what I saw myself, or learned from others" - Thucydides, Peloponnesian War
"I have just jazzed mine up a little" - Spike Milligan, World War II
This is general gathering, en-masse, of journal entries, thoughts, anecdotes and ideas - during my time in the Ambulance Service. Clearly it is not intended to insult, offend, horrify, antagonise, bully or bring down in any way, the very fragments of society as we know. It is meant to be fun - nothing more...please take it as that that.
As Spike Milligan says....I've just jazzed mine up a little.
I sat in the consultation room with my chin leant on a fist, whilst the forefinger tapped my cheek slowly. My face was twisted in deliberation, pondering over my patient’s presentation and the how best to broach the subject.
“Hmmm . . . ” my eybrows furrowed, “does it hurt?”
“It smarts a bit. Uncomfortable I’d say.”
My patient stood directly in front of me, trousers and boxers round his ankles, family jewels thrust forward in presentation. They had an inguinal hernia. A very obvious inguinal hernia at that. So obvious, their intestines had bulged and spilled out from the inguinal origin in their lower abodomen, and ballooned the left scrotum to at least 5x the normal size. It pushed the gentleman’s “trouser snake” way off to their right, and his ball-sack hung close to his knee.
I gripped the seat and the door handle for my life, and sat rigid in the passenger seat of the ambulance. My crewmate, nonchalant, yet transfixed in their psycotic driving, was hammering it on blue lights – tearing through the city streets, bareley putting in any thought of using the brake pedal. Cars swerved off the road, quickly mounted curbs, almost ploughed into one another – anything to get out of the way of our speeding ambulance screaming it on blues and twos.
My crewmate was taking no prisoners. It was their way, or . . . well, it was their way. That is all.
I have never been so terrified about someone driving on blue lights before. But the problem was – we weren’t going to a job. No one was ill – that we knew of anyway. We were simply heading back to station at end of shift. My crewmate, being the “old-school” type, simply wanted to get off on time. And by quickly, it meant blue lights on, get the fuck out of my way.
So, I’ve just caught up with loads of comments people had placed. So, they’re all responded to.
I’m also currently getting my guru buddy from Webholism.com to sort my contact form thing out, as well as everything else. Basically, he’s sorted the technical side of this blog from day 1.
I’ve been away from the blog for a loooong time and am slowly getting back into the wants and desires to write! I’ve been working on ambulances solidly for last 2 months and confidence has been flowing back.
So, within a week I hope to have couple of blog posts up as a gentle move back into the game.
The blog is going to take on three different angles over time. First will be ongoing Paramedic fun and giggles as they happen. Second will be shits and giggles of my ongoing escapades as an ECP/Paramedic Practitioner working in Urgent and Primary care – a whoooole different ball game. But at least the lesser breed of mortals, Nurses, will be able to relate more. And lastly, I want to try and introduce a section by section written fictional story. Not too sure how this will work, but ideally would involve posting a chapter at a time – perhaps. We’ll see
For now, stand by, I’ve got a lot of updating to do and can’t wait to get back into it.
I collapse to the ground and lean back against the trig-point atop the small hill of Brunt Knott. My body is awash with sweat from the short walk up. Working in London has certainly taken its toll on my fitness.
Sitting back, I take in the majestic views of the Kentmere
valley and the surrounding Lake District.
The sun beats brightly above me.
A gentle breeze blows across my face, and Skylarks singing above mark
the only break in the mountain silence.
I breath in deeply. The
air is fresh and clean.
Sitting in this joyous solitude I can feel tears rolling freely down my cheeks. Another memory has broken the peace of my mind. I close my eyes, and the black canvas of my eyelids acts as the perfect projector screen to enhance the images I recall . . .
If you’ve ever wondered what all those leads and sticky dots were doing when placed over a patient in a hospital or in a film then they were probably having their heart monitored. And by monitored, they were probably having some form of ECG (Electrocardiogram . . . with a C, for Cardio. Not EKG, like how the septics spell. ECG!).
ECG’s are a fantastic system used in lots of hospital and pre-hospital environments to help determine cardiological issues and help us determine the correct course of treatment and outcome for the patient.
They measure the electrical output of the heart and we do this by strategically placing several (10 in the UK) sticky dots attached to leads, over the patient’s chest and limbs. And, after the patient remains still, we gain a readout from the Lifepak machine that gives us 12 different views of the heart. This is when we, the clinicians, pretend to know what we’re looking at.
So below, to help anyone who might be in the remote bit interested, I’ve put together a quick Top 10 Do’s and Don’ts of how to ECG . . .