London Fire Brigade vs LAS and Police

There is a long history of “subtle” contempt between the London Ambulance Service and the London Fire Brigade.  Even the Police have some disdain toward them. I’ve no idea where this has originated from but it seems to be tradition.  It is engraved into the way of life as roast dinners are to the British Nation.  I have some theories to this – but they generally stem from my bitter and twisted jealousy at the fun gadgets the LFB have to rip cars apart and generally cause mayhem, as opposed to our tiny gadgets that seem to cause nothing but pain and discomfort to all we approach.

It may also be slightly to do with the fact that the LFP and Police are allowed to be referred to as “Emergency Services” where as the LAS can only be referred to as an “Essential Service”. But I’m not bitter! Honest!!!

I’ve nothing against the London Fire Brigade (AKA “Water Fairies”, “Pet Rescue”, “Drip Stands”, “Trumpton” and even “The Borg”). Whenever I have dealings with them they’re friendly, polite and always willing to help.  So where it all hails from, I’ve no real clue.  However, it is fun to continue our childish disputes and mock them for all they’re worth.

We were dropping off our patient at the hospital and had handed over to the nurses. Our patient was a young 23 year old with on going kidney problems. Nice enough fellow – and just as we were about to put him in a cubicle he piped up about how much we earned.

Patient: “Its about £22k a year isn’t it?”
Crew mate: “hmmmmm, depends”
Patient: “The Police earn more than you don’t they”
Crew mate: “Oh they can earn between £30k and £35k”
Binder: “Depending on how long they’ve been in that is”
Crew mate: “The Fire Brigade earn the most, they earn between £30k and £40k”
Patient: “That’s because they have the most dangerous job though isn’t it”
Crew mate AND Binder (Together): “HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA!!!!!!”

There was a short pause as we looked at each other and then at the patient. He was looking back at us with a hurt expression.

Crew mate AND Binder (Together): “HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA!!!!!!”

We trailed off.

Crew mate: “Do you know how often they are called out to jobs . . .”
Patient: “Yeh, but surely the ones they do go to are dangerous”

There was a theatrical pause . . .

Crew mate AND Binder (Together): “AAAAH HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA!!!!!!”

Binder (wiping tears): “You’re right though, climbing those trees to rescue Tiddles can be really dangerous”
Crew mate (chuckling): “And you know they have to have us there on jobs – just in case one of them trips on their hose pipes”
Binder: “I suspect the LAS have lost more lives in the job than the LFB”
The patient tried to rally from his onslaught.
Patient: “From attacks and shootings and such?”
I thought about it for a moment . . .
Binder: “. . .no, probably from heart attacks caused by inactivity due to us sitting on our fat arses and eating crap for 14 hours a day!”

We put our patient on the hospital bed and made him comfortable.  As we were about to leave, my crew mate and I both exchanged glances and turned to the patient.

Crew mate: “Out of all of us, I reckon the Police have the most dangerous job.  By far.”

And I agreed.