Someone asked me the other day whether ambulance crews are allowed to “dress up” during certain holiday periods such as Christmas.

“Dress up?”  I asked.

“Yeh, you know, like a bit of a hat, or tinsel or something – you know, bring a bit of festive cheer into peoples’ lives . . .”

“hmmmmm”  my mind drifted to the possibilities . . .

. . . I could picture the scene – called to a crowded flat on Christmas day.  Someone’s nan has just suspended (gone into cardiac arrest) due to choking on a piece of chicken.  As my crew mate is getting the defib ready his santa’s hat keeps falling forward over his face allowing the bell to continuously get caught in his false beard.  Whilst my crew mate is struggling with that I would be performing CPR on the patient and with each chest compression the Jester bells of my hat would tinkle causing my clown’s nose to flash.

Other than the rhythmic tinkling of my jester bells – there is complete silence.  I look up and around at the horrified family, their eyes wide and jaws dropped.  I look away toward the curtains and notice the dark crimson paisley effect of the material.  I feel I must say something . . .

“. . . I like what you’ve done with the curtains, heh – “

There is the sudden unmistakeable sound of a rib cracking, followed by the sound of someone dropping a plate behind me.

I drift back to reality and answer my friend, “you know – its probably best that we don’t wear fancy dress”

Binder