And why haven’t you given Narcan?

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Using a pen torch the Doctor calmly checked the pupils of our patient.  Without looking back at us she spoke in both a matter-of-fact way and accusing tone.

“Hmmm, pinpoint pupils.  And why haven’t you given any Narcan*?”

pinpoint pupilsWe all glanced at each other in sudden disbelief.  There were four of us stood there in resuss.  Me, my crew mate and two MRUs (Motorcycle Response Units).  Sweat was pouring from all of us – more so from the MRUs in their leathers – and we were all fighting for breath.  Clothes were disheveled, my shirt buttons were ripped, someone had a fat lip and hair was hanging about our faces.  Bent double with my hands on my knees I threw one hand up, pointing with vagueness toward the sleeping patient.

“Um . . . **puff, pant** . . . we’d . . . **puff** . . . he’d . . . ”

Half an hour earlier and this was quite a different story . . . Continue reading →

Per chance to dream . . .

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SCENE: 
Crew stood in dirty flat in front of unkempt patient.  Long greasy hair hangs chaotically and thinly down the shoulders of the patient’s topless torso – fat, hairy and unclean.  Nicotine stained fingers grip tightly onto a roll up fag flicking ash onto a dirt and faeces ridden carpet.  The air is thick with the smell of smoke, BO and stale urine.  Outside it is dark and raining signalling this as the off-job to a typically long shift. 

**Patient has been talking non stop about their ailments.  The crew are standing by delirious with fatigue**

PATIENT:     . . . . and then there’s this rash I keep gettin’ over me arse cheeks – always on the weekend.  When I’ve ‘ad me a curry.  Oh, and this pain in my left ankle . . . it’s killing mate.  I’m telling youse, last year when I got investigated, them there Doctors at the ‘ospital – well, they said it was gaaaht . . . or summit like that.  Can’t remember.  But naaah, I’ve got this pain all daaahn me right arm ain’t I.  Been there for weeks.  And don’t get me started on . . .

**patient’s voice drifts off as Binder’s eyes glaze over**  Continue reading →

Guest blog

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I had the personal good fortune in being contacted by a fellow ambulance blogger, Ella Shaw a wee while back. 

Ella writes a similar satirical blog to mine (albeit, probably more wittier and definately more popular!  I’M NOT BITTER!!!) www.tryingmypatients.co.uk  

Anyway, as such we got chatting – and climbing – and decided to write a guest blog for each other . . . I went first.  So, here’s the link to that entry . . . .

http://www.tryingmypatients.co.uk/2014/01/super-strength-batteries.html

Super Strength Batteries . . . for all those who havn’t read it already.  Hope you like and hopefully soon, if the rope doesn’t “accidently” snap from climbing, Ella will write one back.

Binder

Resistence is futile

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A two car high speed RTC had resulted in the usual smash up and mess.  But thankfully with very little injuries.  The perpetrators were drunk with the driver staggering forth from the wreckage claiming not to have been the driver.  Unfortunately, seeing as he did this in front of the police he was promptly “nicked” on the spot and hoicked away.

A typical mash up. Sometimes you have to wonder how the hell the car ends up in the position it has!Pretty soon I had directed two ambulances (or palmed off . . . depending on your view) to deal with the injured – one from each vehicle.  The police had the entire area closed off and everything was going well . . . that is until were heard the rumble.

As one, everyone turned their heads to face up the road to see three London Fire Brigade trucks hurtling toward us.  Several officers shook their heads and cursed under their breaths.

“Uh oh . . . here comes the Borg” Continue reading →

I’m a bit of a tit really eh

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“Oh”  he said,  “so you knew all along then”

“Uh huh . . .”

Hang on.  Let’s stop right there and rewind back about thirty minutes.

I was stood beside a towering policeman listening to a scrawny drunken Shoreditch trendy rant on about his broken bicycle and careless drivers.

What is it with "single speed" Continue reading →

LFB vs Police . . . (and LAS)

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In reality it’s not often we have problems with Trumpton and on the whole we have good relations with them . . . but . . . sometimes you just want to hit your head against a wall.  I’d hit their head against the wall but comparing the size and build of me to them – it would be a rather foolish thing to attempt.

London Fire Brigade . . . aka, Trumpton, Pet Rescue, Water Fairies, The Borg, Drip Stands etc etc . . . It was coming toward an end of a long night shift when down on the MDT came an odd job requesting Police and LAS assist LFB on scene.  The details were ambiguous to say the least . . . something to do with a possible “collapse behind closed doors”.  Of course, seeing as this had come from our ‘brethren’ I immediately thought it must be serious so raced round there . . . Continue reading →